OUR STAFF
Content Editor
What would your band name be?
The Great Lie: Public Indecency
What things are most commonly found in your pockets?
Oranges
If you were a fictional character, who would you be?
Batman
Gabriel
Baker
If you could be a fly on the wall in any room, which room would you be in?
Thalia Hall in Chicago
What is the weirdest thing you do in your free time?
I pick a mobile game, like Candy Crush, and play it until I beat every level, and then I start over again with a new game
What would your band name be?
The Wombat Combat
Cece
Becker
Associate Editor
Ben
Brock
Associate Editor
If you were a fictional character, who would you be?
Flat Stanley – I’d love to mail myself across the world.
What is the weirdest thing you do in your free time?
Improv Comedy
If you could tell time with any object, what would you choose?
A sun dial. I have no idea how those things work.
Luke
Brown
What's your favorite arbitrary fact?
Dolphins have "names" for each other
If you were a plant, what kind plant would you be?
Ficus audrey - I'm scrawny like the trunk and branches on the houseplants
If you could be a fly on the wall in any room, which room would you be in?
Kanye West's bedroom, you'd see everything...
Content Editor
Connor
Dull
Content Editor
What is your favorite arbitrary fact?
People regularly drank water in the Middle Ages, contrary to the common myth that everyone was forced to drink alcohol because water was too dirty and bacteria-ridden
What things are most commonly found in your pockets?
Coins and a little caterpillar toy I carry for good luck
If you were a plant, what kind of plant would you be?
An onion
Editor-in-Chief
Rachel
Johnson
If you were a plant, what kind of plant would you be?
Mint because it's outrageous and grows everywhere
What philosophical concept frustrates you the most?
Anything involving numbers— I didn't sign up for that
What would be your death row meal?
Fried Chicken and whatever food cost the government the most money to procure
Content Editor
Jimmy
Mitchell
What's the weirdest thing you do in your free time?
I will visit random places like old buildings, graveyards, rivers, etc.
What's the weirdest place you've spent a Saturday night in high school?
In an old pipe drain underneath the interstate
If you could tell time with any object, which would you choose?
My wrist/forearm. "Oh, it's a hair past a freckle, a.k.a. 3:00 PM"
Emma
Wynn
Design Team
What would your band name be?
I’d be a solo artist and go by “Lil Wynner”
What would be your death row meal?
Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks from Olive Garden
If you could eliminate any color, which would you choose and why?
The obnoxious bright teal every girl (me) painted their bedroom when they were 10
What things are most commonly found in your pockets?
The usual: wallet, car keys, a sample of volcanic ash from Mount St. Helens, an inhaler—nothing out of the ordinary
Which philosophical concept frustrates you the most?
The notion that language is inherently limiting and the biggest answers can’t be adequately described in words. Something to that effect, at least; I don’t know how to explain it
What would be your death row meal?
Shellfish. I'm deathly allergic to shellfish. I refuse to give them the satisfaction of executing me on their terms
DeFord
Cope
Associate Editor
Chief Editor
Associate Editor
Luna
Metzing
What is the weirdest thing you do in your free time?
Can peppers
What philosophical concept frustrates you the most?
Capitalism
If you could be a fly on the wall in any room, which room would you be in?
An empty one
Ethan
Fuller
What's your favorite arbitrary fact?
It took the Australian government two wars, referred to collectively as “The Great Emu War,” to reduce wild emu populations
If you were a plant, what kind of plant would you be?
I’d probably be some form of cactus since I rarely ever drink water and am still surviving
If you could be a fly on the wall in any room, which room would you be in?
I’d definitely be that fly that constantly terrorizes the Starbucks employees. You know, the one that jumps from drink to drink, tasting each one
Content Editor
Maggie
True
Copy Editor
If you were a plant, what would you be?
Black Eyed Susan
What would your death row meal be?
Black tea with caramel flavoring and froth, paired with two pieces of avocado toast with eggs on top
What’s your favorite philosophical concept?
Can free will and fate coexist?
Delaney
Davis
If you were a plant, what kind of plant would you be?
A succulent, because I like the sun and don’t drink a lot of water.
What things are most commonly found in your pockets?
Headphones and a shoestring.
If you could be a fly on the wall in any room, what room would you be in?
My upstairs neighbors – I fully believe they host fight clubs every night at 1 AM.
Delaney
Davis
Copy Editor
If you were a plant, what kind of plant would you be?
A succulent, because I like the sun and don’t drink a lot of water
What things are most commonly found in your pockets?
headphones and a shoestring
If you could be a fly on the wall in any room, what room would you be in?
My upstairs neighbors – I fully believe they host fight clubs every night at 1 AM
Lauren
G
Copy Editor
What’s the weirdest thing you do in your freetime?
I love going down a synonym rabbit hole: I’ll google a random word and keep clicking on synonyms until I’ve ended up with a completely different meaning
What things are most commonly found in your pockets?
Earplugs, earplugs, earplugs— always wear protection!
What philosophical concept frustrates you the most?
Probably the infinite monkey theorem, since I’m only a finite monkey
Content Editor,
Design Team Lead
What is the weirdest thing you do in your free time?
I procrastinate by obsessing over non-existent zits
What things are most commonly found in your pockets?
Target receipts, keys, & phone
What would your band name be?
Mashed Potatoes in October
Ash
Totten
Content Editor
Madison
Miller
What's the weirdest thing you do in your free time?
Walking in circles
If you could eliminate any color, which would you choose and why?
Red-orange, I always picked up this crayon when I wanted red
If you could be a fly on the wall in any room, what room would you be in?
I'd love to go to music festivals without standing, paying, or camping
If you were a type of plant, what would you be?
Bamboo (I want to be eaten by Pandas)
Favorite fictional character?
Babe, the pig
Where is the strangest place you spent a Saturday in high school?
Tijuana
What would be your band name?
The Aggravated Sloths
Managing Editor
Dave
Concepción
Stance Internal Staff
