OUR STAFF
Izabella
Miller
If you had your own talk show, who would your first guest be?
Nathan Fielder ​
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What is your favorite arbitrary fact?
The wasabi you eat at sushi restaurants isn't actually wasabi, it's horseradish
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What is the weirdest thing you do in your free time?
I treat Spotify like instagram and stalk everyone I know. What are you listening to right now? I know.
Associate Editor/ Social Media
If you had your own talk show, who would your first guest be?
Justin Bieber
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What’s your most irrational fear?
BALLOONS
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What's your favorite arbitrary fact?
The number of teeth snails have range from 14,000 to 20,000
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What would be your death row meal?
Cane box combo sub coleslaw for fries and half unsweet tea half lemonade
Taylor
Tate
If you could eliminate any color, which would you choose, why?
Burnt orange, I feel the University of Texas needs saving from that terrible color palette.
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What is the weirdest thing you do in your free time?
Practice giving debate speeches to walls.
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If you had to eat a crayon, what color would you choose?
Light blue, I'm hoping for the flavor of a Sonic ocean water.
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Associate Editor/
Lead Interviewer
What's something on your bucket list?
Visiting ZhangJiaJie National forest in China
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If you had to eat a crayon, what color would you choose?
Purple
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What is your favorite arbitrary fact?
The speed of light in a vacuum is 299,792,458 m/s
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What would your death row meal be?
Purple crayons
Diego
Schleppe
Editor-In-Chief
Maia
Clinkscales
What's your favorite animal?
Dogs and cats forever.
What's the weirdest food combination you enjoy?
Takis and pickled okra.
If you could tell time with any object, what would you choose?
My nose ring.
What would be your death row meal?
Onigiri: favs are Abura Miso and Chicken Karage. Also, Japanese curry.
Associate Editor/
Web Manager
If you were a fictional character, who would you be?​
Brock Samson from The Venture Bros
What would your death row meal be?​
55 burgers, 55 fries, 55 tacos
If you had your own talk show, who would your first guest be?​
The tickle monster
Associate Editor
Levi
Crowder
Leo
Paez Martinez
What would you win an Olympic medal for?
Longest running D&D campaign without canceling.
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What's something on your bucket list?
Visit Spain again, specifically the Canary Islands.
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If you had your own talk show, who would your first guest be?
Michael Morgan
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If you could be a fly on the wall in any room, what room would you be in?
The International Space Station, space fly.
Associate Editor
Jennifer
Rowland
What's your favorite animal?
Dung beetles! They're holding ecosystems together singlehandedly with the power of poop every day, but do they need recognition or fame? NO! Are their adorable likenesses plastered on WWF merch? NO! Their steadfastness and authenticity humbles me.
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If you were a fictional character, who would you be?
Probably more aspirational than an actual resemblance: Ted Lasso or Leslie Knope (Parks & Recreation). And Jackson Lamb (Slow Horses) is #goals for my retirement era!​
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Instructor of Record/ Managing Editor
Ruth
Hartje
If you could eliminate any color, which would you choose and why?​
That awkward shade of blue/purple that isn’t really blue or purple but also both because it irritates me.
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What things are most commonly found in your pockets?
Always a lucky penny in the tiny bonus pocket on the right side of your jeans that doesn’t fit anything. That’s because it’s a lucky penny pocket
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What's the weirdest food combination you enjoy?
Tomatoes with mustard, just as a snack, no other ingredients
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If you had to eat a crayon, what color would you choose?
As the proud owner of the 120 Crayola Crayon set, gotta be Wild Watermelon
Content Editor/
Copy Editor
Ash
Jeffries
What's the weirdest food combination you enjoy?
Pickles and goat cheese.
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What things are most commonly found in your pockets?
Taco bell Diablo Sauce.
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What's your most irrational fear?
The day after going to taco bell.
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If you could eliminate any color, which would you choose and why?
Chartreuse because the name is too long
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Associate Editor
What things are most commonly found in your pockets?
Lipstick, old receipts, a bunch of change, at least one weird trinket, and my commonplace book.
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If you had your own talkshow, who would your first guest be?
David Lynch (rest in peace).
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If you were a plant, what kind of plant would you be?
A willow tree, probably.
Copy Editor/
Production
Briley
Sherwood
Copy Editor/
Production
Piper
Simmons
What is a weird food combination you enjoy?
I love to eat my mom’s chili with diced, zesty pickles
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What’s something on your bucket list?
I’d like to adopt a kitty before I go to law school. His name will either be Pickles or Milo.
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What's your favorite arbitrary fact?
Blue whales evolved over 50 million years from a small, four-legged, dog-like carnivore (Pakicetus) in pursuit of food.
What’s something on your bucket list?
Swimming with the radioactive catfish in the Chernobyl cooling ponds.
What is your favorite arbitrary fact?
If the Earth was the size of a basketball, the moon would be the size of a tennis ball, and they would be twenty-three feet away from each other.
If you were to be a fictional character, who would you be?
Ash Ketchum. Gotta Catch’em All.
Content Editor
Haley Eli
What’s the strangest gift you’ve ever received?
My friend’s baby teeth.
If you were a plant, what kind of plant would you be?
A pothos ivy.
If you were a fictional character, who would you be?
Jack Gladney from White Noise by Don DeLilo.
Content Editor
Jakob Price
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Content Editor
Breck Elliott
What is your favorite arbitrary fact?
'þ' (pronounced 'thorn') is a letter from Old English þat was replaced in favor of 'th' on account of printing press limitations. In þe alphabet, it fell eiþer between y and z or after z. Today, it holds relevance in þe modern Icelandic alphabet and novelty English usage such as þis.
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If you were a plant, what kind of plant would you be?
A nuclear energy plant.
If you could be a fly on þe wall in any room, what room would you be in?
Þe 1927 Solvay Conference.
Content Editor
Kasaundra
Reed
What's your favorite animal?
My favorite animal is a cow! They are cute cuddly grass puppies that have the misfortune of being delicious.
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What's your most irrational fear?
I have a fear of conscious plants. The ability of a plant to have experiences and experience malice is terrifying. Needless to say little shop of horrors was not fun for me.
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If you had to eat a crayon, what color would you choose?
I would have to choose white. It is the pantone color of the year for 2025 and its probably dye free
What’s the strangest gift you’ve ever received?
Last Christmas I was gifted the Egyptian Book of the Dead. The only reason that was provided was that “it seemed appropriate.”
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What is your favorite arbitrary fact?
The roman senator Cato the Elder was known for ending everything he said in an official capacity with the phrase “Carthago delenda est” which means “Carthage must be destroyed.” He did this even when the speech he was giving had nothing to do with Carthage, and he continued to do this even after Carthage had been completely destroyed.
Content Editor
Andy Heimlich
What would you win an Olympic medal for?
Swimming, not because I was Olympic material but because it was the only sport I did.
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What's your favorite animal?
Cats. I have a fourteen-year-old cat named Romeo and he’s the light of my life.
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What's your most irrational fear?
Immaculate conception. Thankfully, I am not Mary material.
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What things are most commonly found in your pockets?
Lip balms. I have so many more than anyone needs, but I love them so much.
Assistant Editorial Board Member
Madilyn
Lee-Whited
If you could only have three apps on your phone, which would you choose?
Pinterest, the Bible app, and FaceTime.
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What's the strangest gift you've ever received?
A rotisserie chicken at my work's Christmas Party.
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What would be your death row meal?
A crawfish boil with a large ice water.
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What things are most commonly found in your pockets?
Aquaphor and spearmint gum.
Design/
Production
Phaelin Jones
If you had to eat a crayon, what color would you choose?
Magenta because it looks like it would taste like raspberry.
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If you were a plant, what kind of plant would you be?
I would be a dandelion.
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If you were a fictional character, who would you be?
I would be Uncle Iroh from avatar the last airbender.
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What's something on your bucket list?
I would like to learn how to do a backflip.
Graduate Assistant/
Production
Jen Ng
If you were a type of plant, what would you be?
Bamboo (I want to be eaten by Pandas)
Favorite fictional character?
Babe, the pig
Where is the strangest place you spent a Saturday in high school?
Tijuana
What would be your band name?
The Aggravated Sloths
Managing Editor
Dave
Concepción
Stance Internal Staff
